Well...

I am still quite partial toward your standard pen and paper for journaling, but upon further revelation and discoveries as of late, I have decided to do a bit of blogging.

I am currently trying to figure out whether Id like to have some sort of theme to this, or if I will rather just spout off random thoughts and interests and whatnot. I wish I understood design and how to make this look cool, but all in due time...

So far tonight; I have lurked to no end on the interweb, wrote a little in my real life journal, showered, painted my fingernails and toenails twice, listened to certain songs on repeat, read a little of my beloved carl sagan, and also wished I could move on when its so evidently necessary.

As opposed to some's total disagreement with the following statement, I would like to believe that I am generally a very happy person. Easy to get along with, open with my words and mind, funny even.. Yet, there is something so entirely irritating that I find with my tendency to want to totally ignore people. Sometimes I like to attribute it to wisdom... Other times, it may just be mean. But in the end, how much stupidity can you tolerate? I think my best bet is to take little seriously and enjoy those who dont annoy the crap out of me. Sigh.

I will leave you, my two followers, with this pearl of wisdom:

Blogging

Well, I certainly havent maintained this blog as I thought I might have originally. There is just something more fulfilling about writing with an actual pen, and seeing it splayed across paper.. I enjoy the now-deemed tedious task.

Life has been filled with life the past year plus, its always a balance of fond and not so fond memories... I am waiting for there to be a year where its more fond than not.. Haha..

Anyway, I will be driving in my car, or cleaning at work when ideas will pop up for funny things to write in or for a blog... and then I will forget to follow through...

We shall see... life is never too dull afterall.

I googled myself tonight and it was fun. And potentially creepy.

some quote from some song

I have been finding myself reading old journal entries, the written kind that is.

It is an interesting emotional experience. Sometimes it produces nostalgia, and sometimes just a sense of loss and pain. Then again, it can cause me to laugh at my pure lack of imaginative thought. (Much like this blog post I suppose)

Anyway, the particular entries I have perused through recently have inspired in me a certain amount of sadness. I cant say why I continue reading them considering the fact, yet I do. I wonder to what degree we as humans enjoy our own suffering? Lets be honest though, we must like it on some level because we always go back in one form to a memory of it in our past/lives. I suppose it makes us feel alive? Or real? Who knows... All I know of these said entries is that they cause me to miss and regret. Some people don't believe in regret, but I do. Those are the same people who say that every mistake they made they don't feel bad about because they "learned" something. Blah blah blah--- mistakes should not just make you learn something, they should also remind you of your fallibility as a person- which in turn should produce a bad feeling. Maybe that is a masochistic train of thought, but it is what is. Either way, I regret. I don't necessarily allow that regret to consume me or control my future decision making, but it does occasionally bring up sad memories. Memories of a happier time or place.(before fallibility kicked in that is)

I guess all I can say of my recent adventure into diary-land is that I am glad I have gained wisdom, but not thrilled about the trade-in. Its a jaded world---

i wonder...

is having this blog just a manifestation of self-importance?

go heavy, go with it

I started writing this blog entry about the weather- then I stopped, erased, and started over. Man, how boring would that have been for you to read a blog about weather. Maybe if I were a successful meteorologist it could've been worth your time, but alas, I am not. Therefore, I will write about.... food? Just kidding.

So one of my roommates bakes and cooks several times a week, and its pure bliss. Who could ask for anything better in a roommate? I now know what husbands have to look forward to in marriage, truly. Food just waiting to be consumed that wasn't made by you. And usually, doesn't even have to be cleaned by you afterwards either. That then leads me to wonder what we as women/wives have to look forward to? Sex? Money in the bank? Security? That all seems to pale in comparison to the emotion that a good cookie/meal brings. Is that superficial? Perhaps it is.. The way to the heart is through the stomach though, isn't that what they say? I wish that statement was more truthful, considering that anatomy proves the exact opposite. I guess my knack for Biology does not help my sense of humor too much. Actually, it does improve it, it also just weeds out stupidity.

And you thought I wasn't going to blog about food... Gotcha!

genesis

blog 1-

Here it goes I suppose...

Although my thoughts move at a quicker rate than my fingers can keep up with, I will try my best to get it out. An unleashing for those of you who so choose to read. (Blah blah blah)

Anyways,

Back to life in Washington. Glad to be around trees, mountains, bodies of water, tall buildings, and good company. There is nothing like spending time with the people who are unconditional in their personal connection toward you, its quite liberating. And I guess accepting that most will fail you at one point is a comforting preventative measure. Whatever the case though, I am relieved to be back.

My hopes for the near future are vague but somewhat present. I find myself missing the proximity of the beach and the warmth of the sun, yet seeing the sunrise and fall behind real mountains somehow makes up for it. Currently I am laying in my bed at too late an hour to be awake, listening to A Fine Frenzy. Wondering if the person on my mind will ever read this post, thinking it highly unlikely. You know a dreamer is never fully content in reality, a truth that has been painfully accepted. My mom always tells me that I resist my inclinations to dream out of fear, and she is probably right. Can anyone honestly blame me? However, I plan to defy her said statements, which is nothing new-always going against the grain thats pushed upon me! :)

Until next time b-world,

me.